Discovering I Have ADHD as an Adult
I can remember when I first thought, “Oh wow, I think I have ADHD.” I was listening to one of my favorite comedy podcasts, Judge John Hodgman. I did not expect my whole life to change while listening to this fun and lighthearted show!
Episode 405: Inbox, Outbox, Catbox, Birdbox
On the podcast, guests come to Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn with a disagreement. Then after hearing evidence, John Hodgman gives his ruling. Every so often, they have a celebrity guest and they “clear the docket.” In an episode such as this, they hear and discuss several cases. Emily Heller, a comedian/writer/producer, made a guest appearance in March 2019.
The first case in the episode dealt with paper statements. A husband liked having them, and the wife wanted him to switch to paperless because she was tired of there being piles of paper everywhere. Emily’s response really spoke to me.
“Perhaps he has diagnosed or undiagnosed ADHD,” she started. “I was diagnosed two years ago and one of the many symptoms of ADHD is a pile of papers that you don’t know what to do with.”
Emily Heller at the 2018 Emmys, nominated for her writing on Barry.
Emily continued with more ADHD insight, suggesting that some sort of structure was needed and when she used the phrase, “…everyday tasks looming over you,” my attention was piqued.
I thought, “Huh, my everyday tasks definitely loom over me.”
And then the part that really hit home was, “The pressure to do something… can lead to a spiral of shame and inaction.”
Whoa! That’s part of ADHD? “Spiral of shame and inaction,” that could be the subtitle of my memoir.
After that I started researching ADHD in adults, because despite having a psychology degree, I knew very little about it. The more I learned, the more I could see my life story playing out in front of me. Looking back at my life through this new lens made so many things clearer. There was a huge sense of relief to have an explanation. I felt empowered. For years I had only been diagnosed with depression, and I felt hopeless to do anything about it. ADHD seemed like something I could learn to manage. But it also meant that I had to take action…. Definitely not my strong suit.
Thankfully, I was already receiving treatment for depression from a nurse practitioner. So, I brought up ADHD at my next appointment. She got out the questionnaire, we went over all of the questions, and sure enough, I was diagnosed with ADHD.
I began listening to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, hosted by Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer. I even became one of their Patreon members and joined their Discord server. Through the podcasts and the community, I got to see that I wasn’t alone and that other people were having the same experiences. It wasn’t that I was a crappy adult, there was a reason for it!
And one of the most important things I’ve gotten over this past year is the countless number of times Nikki has reassured me and other members of the community that we are not broken. I never knew how much I needed to hear that, but it has changed my life. I am lucky enough to have Nikki as my personal coach and mentor while I pursue my ADHD coaching certification.
Through all of this, I have seen how understanding my brain, and the unique way it works, has helped me improve my life. I learned how to work with my brain, rather than against it. I am becoming a coach so that I can help others do the same.
