How Hiring an ADHD Coach has Changed My Life
For the last six years, I have been on a personal development journey. I love reading and listening to books about behavior modification, productivity, time management, and basically anything that makes me feel like I can “get my life together.” Results always seemed out of reach.
I’d consume the information, but struggle to apply it, and even if I applied it, nothing ever seemed to stick. Everytime I made a push toward improving my life, it always felt like I was starting at square one again. I never felt like I was moving forward, and sometimes it seemed like things would get even worse before I would try again.
Then in 2019 I was diagnosed with ADHD at 31 years old. (You can read more about that here.) I finally started to understand why my efforts were never successful before. I approached everything as if I was neurotypical, and I just needed to “try harder.” But with ADHD, “trying harder” is rarely a good strategy. As I started to learn more about my ADHD, I finally felt some forward momentum. But as with most things, the novelty of having a new diagnosis wore off, and that momentum slowed down.
In March 2020, I began training with the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) to become an ADHD coach. I was so excited that I would make these huge strides forward in my personal development. As I learned about ADHD coaching, I could implement everything into my own life, and coach myself.
That turned out to be easier said than done.
I was frustrated that my reality wasn’t matching up with my expectations. This led to finally taking the step that I had been putting off for so long, I hired a coach.
“I don’t need a coach, I can do this on my own.”
For the longest time I knew I could benefit from a coach, but thought I shouldn’t need one. I knew what I needed to do, I just needed to do it. I should just try harder. Right? Plus money has always been tight as a one-income family of six.
A side-note about the cost of coaching: many coaches offer “scholarship” spots, where clients can pay a lower rate, if the regular fee really isn’t feasible. If someone talks to a coach they can’t afford, there’s a chance the coach can refer them to someone who has lower fee options available.
It’s always hard to spend money on myself, especially when it comes to things that I think I should be able to do myself. Once I learned more about ADHD, I started to realize that it would be very difficult for me to see the progress I wanted on my own. And from the growth I have seen over these past few months, I honestly don’t regret any of the money I have paid my coach. In fact, I will gladly pay her more when I’m financially able to!
I thought I knew what I needed to do and I just needed to do it, but I had to re-examine that idea. Maybe I didn’t really know what I needed to do. And even if I did, I didn’t know how to get myself to do it. I had a realization, “If I could do this on my own, wouldn’t I have been successful by now? It certainly would hurt to try coaching.”
When thinking about how a coach could help me, I kept thinking that these were all things I could do for myself, or that I could recruit a friend or my mom to help keep me accountable. None of that ever worked though, and now that I have been coached for a few months, I finally understand why.
Memory and Insights
As someone who has ADHD, I have a pretty bad memory. In order to coach myself, I would have to remember what I was working toward. The main reason I never saw success was that once something went wrong, I’d just give up completely and it was as if the goal never existed.
Coaching has helped me keep my goals front of mind. When things go badly, I reflect with my coach. Instead of just giving up, I have a way to figure out why it didn’t work, and an opportunity to plan my next steps. It also helps that my coach will ask me insightful questions that help me understand why my goals are important to me, and whether or not my plan will work for my ADHD brain. We think ahead about what might get in my way, and that’s something we can plan for.
Without a trained coach, I doubt I would have these insights in the same way. I’m also a verbal processor, so talking about what I’m working on is another way that my goals are cemented into my memory.
Safe Space and Effective Accountability
When someone hires a coach, the coach is completely on their side, with no judgment or preconceived notions. I have struggled with talking about my goals and dreams with others. I have a sense that others will be tired of hearing my new plans and goals, because I have tried and failed so many times. There’s also an added pressure when friends or family keep you accountable, you don’t want to disappoint them, but that isn’t an issue with a good coach.
I’ve had accountability partners in the past where it ended up feeling like a burden for me. If I was working with someone and we were working toward similar goals, it would only work as long as we were both succeeding. If I messaged my accountability partner to share that I had done what I said I would, but then they started to feel discouraged because they hadn’t, then I would feel guilty for my success. I felt like my success was causing their negative feelings.
Working with a coach for accountability has been so much more effective, because no matter how I’m doing, I’m going to let my coach know. It removes the burden of being responsible for someone else’s success, and you can just focus on your own progress.
Relationship and Motivation
When it really comes down to it, I think the biggest benefit I have gotten from hiring an ADHD coach is the relationship we’ve developed. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated, or to celebrate my successes. When I bring a success story to my coach, she helps me really celebrate it, and she might even point out successes that I am not seeing.
Talking to her every week about my goals and plans re-energizes me in working toward them. On my own, I would likely lose interest and just forget about them. My coach is only going to say things that will support and help me, unlike a friend or family member, who might rain on my parade, even inadvertently. Because of my coach’s training and experience she can identify when I am using my strengths. Having my strengths validated has been really important for my self esteem.
There are so many ways a coach can help, that I would never be able to recreate on my own. Everyone has blind spots, and sometimes just the right question can change an entire perspective or approach. Even after reading this, it can be hard to understand until you experience it for yourself, and I totally get that.
If any of the benefits I described sound like something you could use in your life, I’d love to chat with you more! Please reach out with any questions or comments, I love to hear from other ADHDers.
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Embracing the Chaos: Support for Moms with ADHD
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